My biggest fear…

As a man, a black man, a black man in a multicultural society, I find that my only goal in life is to stay out of prison, to walk down the road without being naturally intimidating, to old white women, to pretty middle aged white women, to young white males who look just about the same age as me, but through no faults of their own, my face has been plagued by years of ignorance, you see we are of the same age but yet worlds apart, we have been given the same books to read but it seems like mine is heavier than theirs, mine has less information than theirs, call me paranoid but sometimes I think someone’s purposely super-glued my pages together, please don’t confuse this with a poem the words are just coming out sweetly, just like how when we were young and we used to taste our salty tears because it tasted so good, this is more like a confession, this is a revelation of years of strong black men who have constantly let each other down, the ones who had a dream, the ones who fought hard and probably still fighting hard every single day of their lives, but this time they’re not fighting against soldiers, or governments or those who constantly doubt them and persist on reminding them how difficult of a feat life is for them, no, this time they fight against the media, drugs, alcohol, sex, education, fatherhood…love. Yes love, you see a man told me it goes back, all the way back to slavery, he blames our inability to commit, show affection and simply give a damn on the fact that because our ancestors were enslaved, the slave mentality within us still stirs, you see our mothers taught us not to love deeply, not to love for too long because we did not know when master will sell us to another plantation. Our wives decided stay strong for both her and husband, excusing his failure to keep her out of master’s bedroom. Husband’s heart used to burn deep at the thought of his wife sharing what was his with someone else just so that they could stay together, the irony, imagine every time you looked up at masters window, and you could swear you saw your wife up there, you can almost hear her moan, you convince yourself she’s only there because she loves you, its only a matter of time before you start to question this thing called love…before your heart tells you…maybe it’s wrong to love. I’m not trying to excuse the deadbeat dads but it make’s sense to me, but that’s not even the issue, the issue is something much bigger than that, it’s about my biggest fear, probably every black man’s biggest fear, it’s the thing that lingers in the back of our minds like eternity, it’s the reason we’re constantly on the edge, the reason we’re so self conscious, this fear is common amongst all black men in multicultural societies, it doesn’t matter what religion you are, what you do for living, your class or family history, you see this fear is what I believe is the root of most the black mans failure…the reason we’re constantly on edge and cannot truly be comfortable, the reason a father or a husband constantly doubts his capability to care for what’s his…maybe it’ll be easier if I break it down like this…

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She is more She is more than just words
More than a poetic verse, coerced to create a reflection
Of how deep this river that flows down the Nile of fate is
When God create this, he smiled and said one day
A heart so true will break free from eternal abyss
His sword; a kiss and just like fairy tale King charming
Will make you his Queen, like Africa many will fall to your grace,
Embrace the fact you can achieve through stars and moons
What many can never receive, its crazy but I dreamt it

I dream you woven deep inside me
I close my eyes and watch it collide me into
A world so far and opposite from reality
And the truth is although I do not truly believe in this metaphysical realm
It seems like the only place I can truly be free is …
In denial, In defiance…I’m like fuck the science
Because sometimes I just want to believe, I just want to receive
Set me free from eternal abyss, I don’t need no explanation
I don’t want your calculations or interpretations
Let me just glide free, let the waves of the Nile carry me through her

Because her is my imagination, my salvation from plain and ordinary
Understanding, from words like normal and average, I want to be salvaged
From normal thinking, regular love, I want to be able to make love to her mind,
Speak directly to her soul and when connect, damn! When we connect

True Matyr

It’s crazy, when I first met you, such beauty
Your lips, your hair, your touch, and the poetry you spoke
They beamed straight into my heart, your words mesmerising
Hypnotising, galvanising, your breath so tantalising
That’s when I knew I no longer needed any army
I suddenly savoured the absence of strife
Realising with you I found a new life – my wife
It’s like you knew me before I was born,
You moulded my path and your rhythm became my new dawn
You became the light that seeped through my thorn
You held out my palm and wept, you said
With it clenched I can make the sun set
And I believed you
I believed your every words, palms clenched
I closed my eyes and slept
I found myself in a strange, mystifying cave
That cave so hollow and concaved that rhythms bounced in a wave
Same rhythm seducing many in raves, it’s the sound they crave
The beats you gave, the one that was suppose to save
Many people, talking and rapping in verses
Congregated in street circles refrained from curses
Dreaming, I allowed myself to lose myself in star skies
Man cries, tear drops too full in my eyes so I’m lost in visions
Soul cries; let me awake as soon as the sun rise
It’s crazy
I remember the first song we sang together
Souls entwined forever, music declaring us lovers
Our endeavours became one when we found each other
I remember the nights, we sat in taxi cars
Brothers starring forlornly through socially dividing bars
Our dream threaded in the vinyl of those demo tapes
You would bare to me each and every one of you scars
I, providing will promise to cover them with the stars
Promise you that in my core is where you are
That’s when I first I met you though
Now reality and glamour as raped your flesh
Now I’m afraid, because I fear that one night
As I lay in my bed with you by my side
I will awake to your terrifying cry,
I chase around to see where you hide
Storming around calling out for you
Rap! Hip Hop, Poetry!
Why you run like you don’t know me
Only to discover it was me who let out the cry
Finally I realise you were never by side
This relationship we had was just one huge lie
Never to know the day I was born
Was the day you were meant to die